A Man's Gotta Do
by maximumfan
Summary: Why did Billy turn into Dr. Horrible? Why, because of Penny, of course! A cute, fluffy-ish fic about crushes, mumbling, and cute cars! Dr. Horrible/Penny


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A/N: A Dr. Horrible fic! They're aren't enough of these! This is obviously when Billy was just Billy and not Dr. Horrible yet. I hope you like it!

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The first time I saw her was in the Laundromat. Yeah, if you watched my blog, you would know. But since it only gets like, twenty hits per update, I'm assuming you aren't a fan.

Non-believer.

"Aaah ga-pff…" I started. Way smooth. Idiot.

She turned my way from her machine with a yellow shirt in her hand that said 'Don't Worry. Be Happy.' "What? Did you say something?"

I stuttered again and finally shook my head no.

Idiot. Smackedy-smack. Yes, I bitch-slapped myself. No, it wasn't as hot as it sounds.

Well, at least I was improving. A pft on top of the aah ga. Definitely an improvement. Only a couple of months away from eye contact!

Penny shut the machine lid closed with a thunk, took her empty basket, and left the Laundromat without another word.

'See,' I thought. 'She didn't even NOTICE you except for when you mumble to yourself. Oh, look! It's a bumbling idiot! Let's try and decipher the message while we're waiting for our laundry!"

I finished washing my clothes without thoughts skipping through my head. They didn't even gallop, jog, or sprint either. Not ONE hop. I am proud of myself.

And yes, proud as I am, I admit that the reason for the no physical activity zone in my mind was because if I thought, I would break down in tears.

But no one needed to know that.

As I walked to the car, I noticed that Penny was still in the Laundromat parking lot; but not by herself.

He was tall, dark, and handsome, just the type of guy I would go for, you know, if I was gay. Which I am most obviously NOT. Nor do I have any attraction towards the male gender. Just saying. Back to the point.

And oh my goodness! Penny was standing outside of her car (a Chevy BelAir, a personal favorite, and in a very nice cherry red too!) with tall, dark, and handsome smooshing her in between the car and his body! And here's the grosser news: They were FRENCH-KISSING!!

I stood there for a couple of moments, I think, watching them show their attraction towards each other through the movement of their spit. I don't recall much though, because I think I was jabbing myself with a sharp object, possibly the edge of my laundry basket, and the pain was kinda overwhelming my memory.

When they broke apart, I was standing in the same spot, jaw dropped. I heard Mr. Perfect's voice, and aside from his dazzling good looks, I could see why Penny had decided to give her affection to him.

He sounded like a chorus of angels. Now, I know I said nothing could ever compare, but I had never heard the perfect stranger's voice. It was THAT beautiful. Internal sob. SOB! I'm good now.

"So, baby, I'll see you later? I have to go. I have a patient at 3:30 and I'm probably going to be late." He looked apologetic and hugged my future girlfriend.

Penny smiled. "Well, if you absolutely HAVE to go…I'll just see you later, Dr. Spitz. About 8:00?" She gave him a flirty look. Stupid doctor. Stupid GOOD-LOOKING sweet sounding doctor.

"Yeah. Later!" DOCTOR Spitz said, kissing her briefly on the lips, no less, for a second, and then drove away. In his less cool car, I might add. It was a navy blue car from the '90s. Eew. Not cool AT ALL!

Penny sighed and drove away. I removed the corner of my laundry basket from my side and put it in my car. Which was ALSO an awesomely horrible car. And I mean that In a good way. It's a BWM 600. Yeah, it's a classic. And it's WHITE! How many classic white cars have you seen? Not many let me tell you.

Sorry. Rant over. For NOW… que evil laugh. HA HA HA!!

Hmmm… that evil laugh got me thinking. I started to drive back to my apartment.

So Penny liked guys who made a difference, huh? Well, right now, an unemployed guy who stayed at home and shouted at CNN all day probably wouldn't make that cut. BUT COME ON! The politicians are SO wrong! They talk about the news inside the status quo! THE STATUS IS NOT QUO!

Hey, that was kinda catchy.

Okay, Billy, THINK! How to make Penny notice? I did the classic tapping-the-chin thing that all the bad guys do… hey, wait a second!

I just had a GENIOUS idea! Take the world off of the politicians'' hands! That way, they won't be able to screw it up and EVERYONE will notice me when I'm ruling over them all! Even Penny will notice me!

Excellent.

Say goodbye Mr. T, D, H. Penny will be all mine soon. Now…for a catchy villain name.

I thought back to this afternoon. Tall, dark, and hansome's name was Dr. Spitz, yes?

Yes.

So it will impress Penny if a doctor is ruling over us all, right? But I still have to be evil, or no one will obey my commands. How to evil it up?

Dr. Evil? No, to Austin Powers. Dr. Terrible? Nah, it reminds me of a guy with a pumpkin head in a white coat.

Huh. White coat. Not a bad idea. I'll have to add that to my shopping list.

What about…DR. HORRIBLE! It's catchy, brilliant, and evil ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

I LOVE IT! I mean, I hate it! Evilly evil, I am! Cough.

Watch out Penny. Doctor Horrible is here.

Muahahah! I'm gonna have to work on that. Time to get cracking.

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**A/N: Applause! Hurray! Please review!! I love reviews! I'm addicted, just like caffine. I love them both! :) Anyways...**

**maximumfan**


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